A few weekends ago, my husband and I stayed at an amazing country house hotel.

The setting was beautiful. The service was impeccable.

Until breakfast.

We’d finished our eggs and wanted something simple – a slice of toast. My husband asked the server for toast with marmalade.

As he walked away, I wondered: will he bring butter as well?

I didn’t say anything. I wanted to see what would happen.

He came back with toast… and marmalade. No butter.

I smiled – because this is communication in a nutshell.

My husband was slightly baffled. “But who doesn’t have butter with toast and marmalade?”

Good question.

The server had listened… just literally.

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The Reality: Most Communication Breakdowns Aren’t Dramatic

They’re subtle.

They happen not because people aren’t listening – but because they’re:

• Listening at surface level
• Not checking understanding
• Not thinking beyond the exact words used

And in leadership, those small gaps create big consequences.

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The Different Levels of Listening

This is something I cover in my book, Finding Your EPIC®, and it’s one of the simplest ways to improve communication quickly.

1. Literal Listening
Hearing exactly what is said – and nothing more.
✔️ “Toast and marmalade” = just that

2. Inferentional Listening
Understanding the likely intent behind the words.
✔️ Toast probably comes with butter

3. Intentional Listening
Actively thinking ahead and filling the gaps.
✔️ Bringing butter without needing to be asked

People tend to move between these levels of listening – but not always deliberately, and not always in the way the situation needs.

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What to Do When Communication Goes Wrong

Because it will.

The goal isn’t perfection – it’s awareness and adjustment.

Here are a few simple shifts that make a big difference:

1. Check Understanding
Don’t assume clarity – confirm it.

“Just to check, would you like butter with that as well?”

2. Think Beyond the Words
Ask yourself: what are they really trying to achieve?

3. Close the Gaps
If something feels implied, it probably is. Act on it.

4. Make It Easy for Others
As a communicator, be clear and complete – don’t rely on others to fill in everything.

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Why This Matters in Leadership

In day-to-day work, the “missing butter” shows up everywhere:

• Half-understood briefs
• Misaligned expectations
• Frustration on both sides

Not because people don’t care – but because they’re operating at different levels of listening.

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Final Thought

Great communication isn’t just about what’s said – it’s about what’s understood

And that understanding comes from adapting how you listen in the moment and knowing how to get things back on track when it doesn’t land first time.