In March this year, we delivered a session on Influence, where we explored one of the biggest influences we can have over our careers: how we ask for what we want or need.

During the session, I shared a simple system for asking – one that I’ve been using for years. It’s become something of a philosophy for me, and over time I’ve seen just how powerful it can be.

A few weeks ago, I unexpectedly found myself putting that very system to the test and relying on the same principles we’d been discussing.

I’m a big believer in asking.

Not demanding. Not expecting. Just asking.

In the session, I shared a story about my husband completing the self-assessment exercise on my behalf. He scored me 48 out of 50. The points he deducted were because, in his view, I sometimes ask for things that don’t seem entirely appropriate.

I remember asking him:

“How often do they actually say no?”

His response was:

“Not often.”

As it turned out, my husband was about to witness another demonstration of why I believe so strongly in asking. I suspect my score has quietly risen to 49 out of 50.

We had tickets for a sold-out theatre performance on a Saturday afternoon. The day before, we had unexpectedly travelled out of town for a funeral. We left early the following morning in order to get back in time, but traffic had other ideas.

As the delays mounted, it became obvious we weren’t going to make it.

To be honest, even if we had arrived in time, neither of us was sure we had the energy for it. We were emotionally and mentally exhausted. The previous day’s events had taken their toll and the play itself was a particularly hard-hitting one.

I suggested calling the theatre.

My husband’s response was immediate.

“What’s the point? They’re not going to be able to do anything.”

In fact, he later admitted he was 99.9% certain the answer would be no.

But I called anyway.

I started the conversation with the words:

“I’m guessing the answer is no…”

I explained about the funeral, the traffic and the fact that we weren’t going to make it. Then I asked whether there was any way the tickets could be given to somebody else. The performance was sold out, and I hated the thought of two empty seats when someone else could enjoy the show.

The person at the box office listened carefully.

They explained that they normally offered vouchers if customers gave 48 hours’ notice.

We were obviously well beyond that point.

In other words, this should have been a straightforward no.

But after listening to the circumstances, they agreed to make an exception.

As I put the phone down, my husband simply looked at me, shook his head and laughed.

“Every day is a school day when I’m with you.”

What I love about this story is that it wasn’t a triumph of persuasion.

I didn’t negotiate.

I didn’t argue.

I didn’t try to convince someone to break the rules.

I simply asked a reasonable question and accepted that the answer might be no.

And that’s the lesson.

So many opportunities are missed because we decide the answer on someone else’s behalf before we’ve even asked the question.

We assume the request is inappropriate.

We assume we’ll be rejected.

We assume there’s no flexibility.

We assume we know the answer.

Sometimes we’re right.

But sometimes we’re wrong.

And the only way to find out is to ask.

Thahis is why one of my favourite phrases is:

The answer is always no… until you ask.

The theatre tickets weren’t really the point.

The point was that once again, what looked impossible from the outside turned out to be possible the moment a conversation began.