Having worked in the field of female leadership for 15 years, I’ve heard some of the worst advice given to aspiring women leaders. Don’t get me wrong – this advice is well-intentioned, but it completely misses the mark. It fails to acknowledge the fundamental differences in the pathways to leadership for men and women and often does more harm than good.

One of the biggest challenges faced by current senior leaders is that they operate with an understanding of the traditional, male-defined blueprint for leadership – a path that is clear, well-trodden, and familiar. To illustrate, imagine walking through a park. You see a paved pathway winding through the grass, and next to it, a clear line worn into the grass from years of foot traffic – a shortcut. This shortcut is akin to the male route to leadership: direct, visible, and socially validated.

The female path, however, is entirely different. It’s not a shortcut, and often, it’s not even a path – it has to be forged through uncharted terrain. It’s harder to spot, let alone navigate, as it requires women to overcome systemic biases, cultural expectations, and a lack of visible role models.

To make matters worse, women are often handed advice that, far from helping them succeed, actively undermines their efforts. Here are five common suggestions I’ve heard repeatedly over the years and why they can be damaging:

1. “Be more assertive”

Women are often told to speak up or take charge in ways that don’t align with their natural communication style. Instead of focusing on being louder or more forceful, women benefit from developing a strong presence in a way that reflects their own approach to leadership.

2. “Be more confident”

This is perhaps one of the most frustrating pieces of advice for women. It assumes a lack of confidence rather than acknowledging the immense resilience required to thrive in male-dominated environments. The reality is that many women are already confident – they just express it differently.

3. “Be less emotional”

Telling women to suppress their emotions perpetuates the stereotype that this is a female trait.  It isn’t.  95% of all human reactions are emotional.  Emotional intelligence – empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to connect with others – is a critical leadership skill. Everyone should therefore be encouraged to use their emotional intelligence to build strong relationships, inspire others, and create more connected and effective teams.

4. “Be a risk taker”

This advice assumes that women are naturally risk-averse, which isn’t always true. In reality, many women take calculated risks daily, though these actions are often overlooked or undervalued. Rather than blindly encouraging more risk-taking, the focus should be on recognising the value of measured risks and understanding that small, deliberate steps forward can lead to meaningful progress.

5. “Be taller”

Yes, this has been said, and it’s as absurd as it sounds. Women have been told they would be taken more seriously if they were physically taller, as though leadership presence is tied to height. In reality, leadership presence is about clarity, confidence, and the ability to command attention through actions and words – not physical stature.

Final Thoughts

The problem with this kind of advice is that it focuses on changing women rather than empowering them to harness their strengths. Women are not broken or lacking; they are navigating a leadership journey that is unique to them. By focusing on their own skills, instincts, and expertise, women can chart their own path to leadership – not by conforming to outdated expectations.

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